Lying in Relationships free essay sample

A lie can be hurtful, stressful, unforgettable, and damaging. Whether it’s a â€Å"white lie† or just a straight up lie, the truth is always better to know. Lying in a relationship is the main way to ruin a relationship. Paul Thaler, the author of â€Å"The Lies That Bind,† believes that lying isn’t bad in a relationship. He sees the truth as being hurtful and less important, most lies as inconsequential, and lies as â€Å"a truer reflection of love than the truth.† I think lying is the worst thing we can do to each other as humans besides physical abuse. Lying hurts people emotionally and can become addicting, and the truth will eventually always come out. Lying to someone you care about can result in you losing that person from your life. Being lied to can’t only be hurtful, but it can also be frustrating. It hurts because it’s hard to cope with the fact that someone you trusted would lie to you. It’s frustrating because you believed that person was telling you the truth. The truth may hurt, but I guarantee majority of the population would rather know the truth. â€Å"Falling in love meant the building of trust, honesty, and openness-the coming together of two hearts, two minds,† Thaler stated When you are in love you should have those factors of trust, honesty, and openness. If you truly love someone you shouldn’t want to hurt them with a lie. Whether it is a big lie or a little â€Å"white lie.† I was with my ex-boyfriend for four years and through all those years he lied to me about having feelings towards other girls whenever I asked him. I found out that he had been cheating on me about a year ago, and there aren’t enough words to explain how stupid, hurt, and angry I felt. His reasoning for lying was â€Å"to not hurt me.’ Little did he know that knowing the truth would have saved me from the embarrassment I felt, and the rese ntment I feel towards him today. White lies may not be that serious, â€Å"White lies are defined as being unmalicious, or even helpful,† by Ronald B. Alder, Lawrence B. Rosenfeld, and Neil Towne in the article â€Å"White Lies,† but they can still stir up problems in relationships and create trust issues. Once you tell a lie and you see no consequence it’s hard to stop; especially for those who can keep a straight face and act perfectly fine while lying. If you are not being caught, and no one is being hurt you see no harm in telling a lie. Thaler tells us, â€Å"Most lies that I spin are inconsequential, simply intent on maintaining the day-to-day stability of my relationship.† I don’t understand how people can lie on a daily basis to their partner. If you have to lie to them, doesn’t that make you realize that maybe you shouldn’t be with them? When your partner asks you if you love them, if you have to even think about it then you obviously don’t, and you shouldn’t lie about it because love is a strong word. I personally would rather have someone not tell me that they love me if there not 100% positive. Girls tend to get really upset when they are lied to, cheated on, or broken up with because of the simple â€Å"but he told me he l oved me† line. The top 5 reasons for lying according to â€Å"White Lies† by Alder, Lawrence, and Towne are: to save face, avoid tension or conflict, guide social interaction, affecting interpersonal relationships, and to achieve personal power. All these reasons are selfish. It’s not fair to other’s to be lied to for you own personal sake. You may think you’re a good liar, or that you got away with telling a lie. The truth has a way of always coming out. When girls are determined to find out the truth, they don’t quit until they’ve discovered it. There are also vicious people in this world who like to see other’s suffer so they tell them the truth which they know will hurt them. For example, if my boyfriend cheats on me with some girl that doesn’t like me she will obviously want me to find out because she knows it will upset me. Thaler confesses that, â€Å"Had I been forced to confront the â€Å"true† feeling before, our relationship might not have survived, much less flourished.† Whether you’re lying to yourself or someone else it’s not healthy or fair. It can emotionally stress you out and drive you crazy if you’re living a lie. You can’t force yourself to have feelings for someone. Lying to someone about how you feel towards them is cruel , and lying yourself about your true feelings is only going to make your life complicated. Sooner or later you’re going to have to face the truth, and it’s going to be a lot harder. It may even be too late to fix a relationship that has been built upon lies. Before you tell a lie remember that there is a chance that the truth will eventually surface. Every time I think about a time where I was lied to I can’t help but get upset. I have wasted so many hours crying, being angry, and over analyzing about lies that I have been told. I would not wish anyone to be lied to, especially in a relationship because emotions should not be played with. There are times where lying could save a relationship, but chances are that sooner or later that lie will backfire. Telling the truth is hard, especially when you know that someone you love could be emotionally hurt by it. It makes you a stronger person if you are capable of telling the truth, and it helps you think about consequences before you do something. You are less likely to do something behind someone’s back if you automatically think about what their reaction will be when they find out, not â€Å"if† they find out. Live by the quote â€Å"treat others how you would want to be treated†. It’s never too late to start being honest.